Rewind Sunday: Damien Rice

Damien Rice "O" (Then: 10/10 Now: 10/10)

It's hard to pin down what to say about Damien Rice's incredible concept piece, O. From the name (which I thought was "Zero" instead of the letter for a few months) to the lilting vocals and the extraordinary songwriting, Rice hit it out of the park with this 2003 release.

The first time I heard the opening song ("Delicate") I thought, "Well, it's great, but there's no way he can match it." So many songwriters put their heart and soul into one number, then just use the other 9-12 as filler so they can make an album. A big offender in this area has to be Lily Allen on her first CD. "Smile" was a great song with fun lyrics and a catchy beat, but the rest just kind of paled in comparison.

But there is no coasting to be found on O. To the contrary, Rice creates a perfect bell curve of emotion. The beginning starts off great, the middle becomes unbelievable, then the end kind of shifts back down to great again. Songs like "Older Chests" and "Amie" are the most intimate pieces, the latter sounding like U2 in their prime. The haunting finale is also worth a mention, putting in not one, but two bonus tracks after the last song has faded away.

Of course it wouldn't be right not to give substantial credit to Rice's vocal partner, Lisa Hannigan, who guest sings on more than half the songs. Usually it's just backup, but occasionally she does a full-on duet with Damien. She even solos on the very last song, an a cappella re-tooling of Silent Night. This has to be one of the most ludicrously gorgeous covers in the history of music.

The best part: the entire thing is utterly timeless. It could be from the early nineties, it could be alongside Carol King in the record shop. That's the thing about Damien Rice: he proves that awesome songs transcend age. By putting so little production on them, he avoids the "in the moment" pitfall ninety percent of artists fall into.

O is simply one of the best full albums I have ever heard. Every song is like a gift from Rice himself, wrapped in strings and flutes and sensitivity, making it a definite buy for music lovers everywhere.

Glee Recap: Deaf, Dumb, and Blind

Glee "Hairography" (3/10)

When I watched the eighth episode of this "beloved" series (Mash-up), I declared it was the worst hour of television I had ever seen. Well, now Glee is giving that steaming pile of horse crap a run for its money. The show committed many offenses this week, five of which I will be calling forward. Let's go in order of most to least bothersome.

1. Jane Lynch is being used as if she is a freaking extra. The woman gets no screen time anymore, apparently preferring to come on, spout a couple (iffy) one liners, then fade into the background. It's a bad use of the character and the actress. On the other hand, again recalling Mash-up, she really didn't do well when she got her own story line. Still, if Lynch is looking to snag an Emmy nomination, she better darn well put more time in front of a camera.

2. The stereotypes are driving me to the point of exhaustion. Kurt is a caricature, his only purpose being his sexuality. Do you think the writers ever intend for him to have a relationship on the show? Because I'm starting to doubt it. Also, the "token hood school" introduced us right off the bat to two offensive black characters. Did Eve even read the script before she decided to be on this episode? "We might be thieves and arsonists, but we never cheat." Seriously? Apart from Mercedes, this is the first African American with a decent part on the show, and we turn her into a white-pride wet dream? Ugh.

3. The story lines episode to episode are either illogical or unneeded. Quinn tried to make it work with Puck... and failed. Kurt still harbored feelings for Finn.... and didn't really do anything about it. Rachel and Finn almost hooked up.... but then he liked the way she looked BEFORE. Quinn wanted to keep the baby....but then decided to give it up again. Nothing happened! It was a stagnant, static episode with no real plot development. As if this wasn't bad enough, the story points leading up to the skirmish require giant leaps of faith. Will thinks that Sue might have leaked his plays, so he confronts a random school, who randomly decided to do random randomness. WHAT IS GOING ON?! And did anyone else find it weird that in the first competition only one team performed? The ideas for musical numbers are getting old.

4. The deaf kids singing Imagine made me want to curl up and die. Enough said.

5. The best song in the episode was Quinn singing Papa Don't Preach (suddenly a lullaby?), which was beautiful and (possibly?) without studio manipulation. Then she gets totally cut off at the knees by the producers making the song about 70 seconds long. Really? We get four minutes of some heinous, auto-tuned version of Imagine while that wonderful rendition gets about as much time as Rachel's whore-over?

Am I crazy for being fascinated with the hot mess this show has become? I don't miss an episode, even though I hate it to my very core. It's like hairography itself: flashy, catchy, but ultimately a distraction.

All that Glitters is not Old

Adam Lambert "For Your Entertainment" (8/10)

Disclaimer: I'm going to attempt to review Mr. Lambert's album without any mention of the AMAs and his polarizing performance there. I personally enjoyed it, but I can see why people didn't. That is all I will say on the subject.

When Adam was on American Idol, his greatest achievements were the opposite of what you would think. The glam rocker of the eighth season's rhinestones never shone brighter than when he was on stripped-down numbers. Mad World, A Change is Gonna Come, and Tracks of My Tears were undoubtably his best moments on the show.

There is little to none of that here. The problem with his up-tempo songs on Idol was the material. Pieces like "Play that Funky Music" and "Born to Be Wild" will always be stuck in karaoke land. He might have injected a bit of originality into them, but not enough to make these "follow the bouncing ball" standards sound like anything but what they were. However, on "For Your Entertainment," the faster songs are the ones that truly show his personality. "Strut," "Whataya Want From Me," "Music Again," and the title track all show that he's got guts to go along with glory.

While those four songs pack a needed punch in the album's opening, "FYE" never really takes a dip in quality, apart from the generic filler track "Sure Fire Winners." "Soaked" is a cleverly written ballad penned by the mind behind British rock band Muse. It has the untraditional (the Middle-Eastern strings section in the beginning) combined with traditional (the way the song amps up into the final chorus) in a cool and intriguing addition to the CD. Similarly brilliant is "Sleepwalker," where Adam plays the part of a man so obsessed he can't sleep. The atmospheric tension combines with his erethral vocals for fantastic results.

The entire record is worth purchasing. It's so rare to find a brand of "different" pop, and to find it from an American Idol contestant is even more distinct. Kudos to Adam for staying true to who he is. Like the man himself said, he's here for your entertainment.

Download this: Whataya Want From Me, Soaked, Sleepwalker

Losing Its Teeth

--Spoilers Alert!--

First of all, I am a fan of The Vampire Diaries (6/10), and really, vampires in general. This show following the vampire Salvatore brothers and the grief-stricken orphan Elena, began the season on a high note-I was hooked immediately. A witch best friend? History references? A sexy good vampire, Stefan, and his (also sexy) seemingly evil brother, Damon? A sweet love story that seems to be destined? Be still my beating heart!


However, the last few episodes have been falling short of my expectations. The story line has mostly been solid, and the characters are still (mostly) lovable and charming. The main problem also happens to be (in my opinion) the main part of the story: Stefan and Elena's relationship. At first their budding romance was sweet and my heart held on to them, week to week. Then-the annoyances began. After Stefan "came out" as a vampire he and Elena began the classically aggravating "I can't do this."-"I think we can be together"-"I can't do this!"--Elena worrying about being in a relationship with a vampire, then when she came around (for the second time) Stefan decided he was too dangerous for her. Ugh.


The last episode-The Turning Point-seemed like it may have been a reprieve! At last, the couple this show centers around will stop their whining and be together! Elena's confession of love put a stop to Stefan's self sacrifice and the two had a passionate scene-culminating in what looked like wonderful sex :). But just when I was giddy with joy, watching them cuddle in the afterglow-stupid Stefan went to get Elena a drink and left her alone in his room to find a picture of Katherine (the vampire who turned him during the Civil War)-who happens to be a mirror image of her. Stefan returned to find his room empty-and then we had one of those wonderful cliff hangers that we all love. *sigh* I'm holding out hope that The Vampire Diaries will redeem itself-the twinkle in Damon's eye will continue to make me hold on. Really I'd give the ranking for the first half of the season thus far an (8/10) and these last few episodes (4/10)- (the plot has been going a little ADD lately too), so let's see if we can redouble our efforts, c'mon Vampires!!!!

American Idol: Top Ten Performances of All Time

So I recently watched some musical performances on YouTube sung during the eight season course of American Idol and I wanted to write about it. I thought, "What better way than to blog it?!" So here we go, the ten best Idol performances I have seen (barring the first and second seasons, as I have not had the pleasure of viewing them.)

10. Blake Lewis "You Give Love a Bad Name"- Blake was a trailblazer for American Idol for many reasons. A beat-boxer who sang incredibly well, he infused the sixth season of my beloved show with a uniqueness that was MIA that year. In an four month story-arc filled with Lakisha, Melinda, and Jordin belting out the same old perfect melodies, Blake (and his adorable outfits) lit up the stage with his personality. You Give Love a Bad Name was arguably his most risky performance, and it propelled him into the top 2. With it's four straight measures of boxing, it's decidedly un-Bon Jovi melody, and his rampant charisma, he worked it out and gave us the most exciting song of season 6.

9. Melinda Doolittle "My Funny Valentine"- I was going to give Constantine Maroulis the MVP on this song, but I recently watched both performances back to back, and Mindy Doo is clearly the belle of the ball when it comes to humorous lovers. The woman broke it DOWN and sang with such a gusto and bravado, something we never really saw again. The infusions of "who, MEEE? I'm a good singer?!" were gone for the night, and the girl made mince meat out of the Rodgers and Hart number.

8. Carrie Underwood "Alone"- While I did not want Carrie to win (Vonzell Soloman's quirky goodness was far more my taste), I cannot fault her for her song choice in Heart's "Alone." Since she conquered the stage with that vocal, contestants have been trying unsuccessfully to match it. You know if Carly Smithson's version sounds bad by comparison, you have an incredible notch in the Idol wall of fame.

7. David Cook "Billie Jean"- Simultaneously enraging and engaging the American public, the proclaimed "rocker" of the seventh season kicked ass with this re-done version of a Michael Jackson classic. Some (drama queeny) people got upset that he used a cover song to base his off of, but he none the less rocked it out with style. Chris Cornell himself could not do a better job making this song into a sexy power ballad. Covering the cover is hard enough, but to outshine both versions is a real feat.

6. Jason Castro "Hallelujah"- Some dub the seventh season of American Idol as "Artist Idol" because musicians were allowed to play instruments for the first time. This was none more true than with Jason Castro, who was as Anti-Idol as you can get. With his pretty but flimsy voice, he charmed the hearts of America and placed fourth. This was due in large part to his amazing semi-final take on Hallelujah. With tears in his eyes and a crack in his vocal, he got a "brilliant" rating from Mr. Cowell and a safe passage to the top 12. Hallelujah indeed.

5. Allison Iraheta "Someone to Watch Over Me"- This was the most moving performance from the teenager I have ever seen on the show. I teared up when her voice broke on the line "Although he's not the man some/girls think of as handsome." The designated rocker chick gave the old-timey number a youthful energy and passion. She simply OWNED Rat Pack week, and even more so for suffering through that shitty critique from Simon that she was "robotic in parts." Screw you, Mr. Cowell. Without you, she would have sailed through to the top three. Then we wouldn't have had Danny Gokey (aka, "ghoulish widower") singing "Dream On" as if it was a White Stripes song. Ugh. (Yes, I am still bitter.)

4. Katharine Mcphee "Somewhere Over the Rainbow"- Kat was not my favorite during Idol's consistent yet tedious fifth season, but her Simon-picked song choice of "Rainbow" turned out to be her best on the show. Even though Jason Castro covered a better version of the classic in season 7, there is no way anyone will be able to match the raw power that Mcphee inspired. I remember downloading the song as soon as it came out and listening to it over thirty times in one night. Down with Hicks! Long live Mcpheever!

3. Carly Smithson "Here You Come Again"- Not many people will remember this smoldering ballad from Ms. Ireland 2008, but it is more than worth a mention. She took Dolly Parton's mid-tempo song and changed it up to be slow and delicate, producing an immaculate performance that, in my opinion, exceeded anything else for that season. Her voice soared over the verses, and built up into that final, incredible glory note at the end. America got it wrong sending this one home so early.

2. Adam Lambert "Mad World"- The One Who Occasionally Sounds Like a Wounded Cat came out on the dreary "Year You Were Born" week and ran DVR schedules over the time limit all across the country. He got a standing ovation by Simon (rare), a proclamation of him "definitely being in the finals" (less rare), and a walloping 42% of the vote (according to Idol experts) on a night with 8 people singing. He finally showed his true colors (the primary one obviously being blue) and didn't seem as if he was acting. This, unfortunately, was not true of the vampire-y encore in the finale, which might be part of the reason he only achieved runner up status. But, icy lighting and all, Adam really blew this song out of the water (okay, enough blue puns) and, in doing so, pretty much ordered America to advance him straight to the finals. Don't pass Go. Don't collect 200 bizarre critiques.

1. Fantasia Barrino "Summertime"- This undoubtably marks the longest I have cried over an Idol vocal (and I was fourteen, folks!) Fantasia took her soul and threw it on the stage, making contenders like LaToya London and Diana Degarmo (not to mention the awful Jasmine Trias) quake in their boots. It was perfection. It was immaculate. It had the Dawg standing up on his paws and shouting about it being the best 90 seconds the show had ever seen. In that moment, ladies and gentlemen, a star was born.

Glee Recap: Obsessive-Repulsive

Glee "Ballads" (4/10)

Spoiler Alert: Do not read this recap unless you have seen the entirety of Glee episode 1.10

This show is driving me crazy with its inane plot lines. Sure, it was fun at first; Mercedes not knowing Kurt was gay (well that friendship's gone *poof* hasn't it?), Will's wife hiding her non-pregnancy (another story left out of the equation of late), Jane Lynch's obsession with taking Will down. But Glee is like a hyper kid off of his ADD medication, it never sticks to a story. What I assumed to be a serial show has lately been diving into the unfortunate waters of week-to-week storytelling. This is no bueno.

Let's start with what I did like about "Ballads." This week marked the welcome return of Jayma May's Emma Pillsbury. As always, Mays lit up the screen with a glow that is too rare on television these days. It also gave Sarah Drew (Everwood) a hilarious guest spot as Suzy Pepper. It's a little far-fetched that Drew is still playing a high school student (and that they made her cover her gorgeous face with ghastly makeup) but it was still a cool shout out to her fans.

It was also nice to see the Kurt/Finn story take another step forward. This had been hinted at in earlier episodes, and it turned awkward comedy into something really interesting and funny. I just wish the writers would work a little harder on the NON-Kurt specific story arcs.

However, I will now list five things about this episode that made me either cringe, frown, or want to curl up in a ball and die:

1. The "I'll Stand By You" scene. Finn's voice is not pleasing to the ears, and, even through electronic mutilation (not a typo), it has never reached the heights of what it was during "Don't Stop Believing." Also, the clunky line explaining Kurt's piano skills was nothing compared to the inexplicable way Finn knew all the words to the song. And why was there no viable lie he could tell his mother when it came to the sonogram? School project? Curiosity? WTF?

2. Suzy Pepper's story did not have a funny ending like it was meant to. In fact, I was feeling the same way I do when I see a mentally challenged person sing on Idol. It's just sad, not humorous.

3. HEINOUS LIP-SYNCHING BE DAMNED! Sorry, I had the caps lock on, but now that I look at it, that is the perfect format to put such a strong sentiment in. Will and Rachel, you were both Broadway actors! Why can't the producers let you just sing? Maybe then it wouldn't sound like the Kidz Bop albums or a second-rate cover band doing karaoke at a late-night bar. The reasons for injecting pop-Broadway numbers into the episodes are also starting to wear thin. It's a musical! They don't need a cheesy reason (like trying to tell someone to back off, seriously, WTF?) to sing! Although Emma's reaction to Will's singing was one of the few good things that came out of it.

4. Puck's been keeping a secret for 9 episodes and Mercedes is the first person he blabs to? I mean, it's not as if he hasn't expressed his emotions to Quinn, it's not like they're bottled up inside. It was just a manufactured way to make drama amongst the group, which is feeling more and more fractured.

5. Rachel liking Will just made for a crappy one-episode plot device. Again, it was forced, it was cheesy, it was cliche. It. Was. BAD!

This episode sucked. Besides the very sweet and funny Kurt and Finn story, it had little to nothing going for it. I hope the writer's can dig themselves out of this hole they've created, or this show is going to be swallowed up by stupidity faster than you can say "too many baby lies."

Rewind Sunday: Ashlee Simpson & Jason Mraz

Each Sunday I'll (try to) review one or two albums that are at least five years old. While it will hold the same content as a regular post, I'll also be looking at whether it holds up to music today. I'm going to kick it off with a good one and a stinker (hint, look at the title. It's the opposite of what you think.)

Ashlee Simpson "Autobiography," released 2004 (Then: 4/10, Now: 7.5/10)

When Ms. Simpson burst onto the scene (and I do mean "burst," as her debut went platinum in a week), it was widely thought that she had little to no talent. Then we had the incident from SNL, the Rose Bowl, and other "hiccups" where the woman couldn't seem to get a break. Was it really deserved; is she really fit to hold the title of "worst pop star of all time?"

In my humble (or not) opinion, no. No, no, and no. Looking back, Ashlee was the Miley Cyrus of the mid-decade pop scene. She had good (if not fantastic) music, a decent voice, and, HELLO, she wrote or co-wrote each and every one of her songs. Not even Miss Party in the USA can say that. Simpson let the public's scorn get the better of her, however, and failed to deliver any solid hits after her first record.

Kind of like Avril with more personality and grit, Ashlee kicks off Autobiography with a quadruple punch of awesome pop-rock tunes. Pieces of Me may have been over-played in 2004, but it's still surprisingly relevant. Lala is pure trashy fun, and Shadow is a wildly emotional ballad about being the opposite of her sister (mission accomplished.) But the true power here lies in the opening number, which shares a title with the album. "Got stains on my t-shirt, I'm the biggest flirt, right now I'm solo but that will be changing eventually." These lyrics aren't Shakespeare, but, manufactured or not, they sound real. Which is more than big sis Jessica could ever say.

It gets a little bumpy from there on. Love Makes the World Go Round is cliche, but Better Off makes use of it's generic flavors to produce a fun mid-tempo groove. Unfortunately, the last six songs kind of peter off into "forgettable land," with the exception of the finale, Undiscovered. I'm a sucker for "last songs on the album" because they're usually the climax of emotion. Simpson doesn't disappoint, giving her best vocal and rawest look at her life.

All in all, this CD is worth going back to, if only to see what she could have been. Now expelled from her TV debut, I can't help but feel sorry for her. But as she says in one memorable line, it's easy to determine the pieces of her in this strong debut.

Jason Mraz "Waiting for My Rocket to Come" released 2002 (Then: 7/10, Now: 3.5/10)

While Simpson went on to make creative failures, Jason Mraz has recorded two albums since his first effort that surpass the original. I'm sure back in 2002, this was an achievement: the coffee house singer/songwriter goes on to land a major label deal. But now, with Hotel Cafe becoming so popular, we have all the Colbie Calliats and Joshua Radins that we need. And Mraz noticed that, as he drastically changed his style for both his sophomore and junior records. But here, before I'm Yours and Geek in the Pink, he sounds so generic. It makes for an uncomfortable listening experience, to be honest.

His "thing" has always been live performances. That is why he just released his fourth live album, because he is more energized and lucid in person than in a studio. As time went on, he learned how to adapt to make two unique sounds: one that could be fun after it was produced, and one that could be fun with no production at all. This is why his live shows are drastically rearranged, to give him the freedom to push the limits.

In 2002, though, it just sounds weird. He is drained of all emotion, making even high-energy numbers like The Remedy sound like a bowl of Bran Flakes. Robbed of the audience interaction that made tracks like Sleep All Day and Absolutely Zero fun, they lose all their pizzaz.

This CD has stuff to offer, just not anything close to his live stuff or his newer studio offerings. Frankly, there is better coffee house material than this. A lot of it. So, I'm sorry Jason, but this gets a solid "Don't Look Back" rating.

Rage, Repetition, and Renewal: A Rihanna Reverie. Really.

Rihanna "Rated R" (4.5/10)

I have very polarizing feelings about this new offering from the less and less tropical pop singer. I thought it was practically impossible for Rihanna, a woman I held in little regard, to surprise me. And for six tracks, I thought I was correct in that assumption. But... then something happened. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Here's a little bit of exposition detailing my prior feelings about Ms. Caribbean USA:

I dislike her immensely. Then she comes out with a tune that I really like. She has two really good songs ("If It's Lovin' That You Want" and "Disturbia") and a few better-than average ones. That's about it: I like her and hate her at the same time.

The good/bad news is this: my feelings towards Ms. Rihanna have not really changed. I was uncharacteristically psyched to hear "Rated R," the reason being that she actually went through a traumatizing situation. While that is not good news for her, creative intent favors the unfortunate. When Kelly Clarkson had a bad year, she sat down and penned fourteen songs, making an awesome album of classic-grrl-rock-soul. No one thought she had the capabilities, but the woman pulled it off. If an American Idol winner can do it over a record label dispute, it stood to reason a genuine pop sensation could after a domestic violence situation.

Which is, as a matter of fact, Rated R's main flaw. The first five songs (and the ridiculous intro) are exactly what one would expect after ChrisBrown-gate went down: pulsating beats, slow delivery, and faux-angst.

The low-point of this first half has to be "Rockstar 101" (offered at your local community college!), where Rihanna tries to convincingly muster up the ego to pronounce "Baby, I'm a rockstar." (Oh yeah, and Slash makes an appearance playing lead guitar to a melody an eighth grader could learn.) I half expected an echo of "No, you're not!" each time she made that ludicrous statement.

Another issue with the first batch of tracks is the amount of brutal swearing the singer spews. In her mind, the equation must look like this: Fuck + bitch + damn = anger. Unfortunately, it just comes across as a pathetic attempt to seem "edgy" or "unpredictable." Rihanna, honey, it's not effective if you sound like a five year old who just learned a dirty word.

The one bright spot (ironically) is the mopey first single "Russian Roulette."

We interrupt this blog post to inform the artist that this title is a blatant rip-off of another over-rated pop icon who used the phrase in a very recent hit. And the cover art is disgusting. We now return you to your regularly scheduled rant.

Anyway, the song is everything the first four should have been. It's pain incarnate. She really sounds like she might jump off a bridge. Success!

I was about to give up on the CD entirely when something strange happened. A guitar rift emanated from my speakers, and suddenly, there was sunlight. Like a break in the cloudy gloom in front of it, a piano-intro plays like a self-empowerment mantra until it spills into a fiery chorus, aptly titled "Fire Bomb." The vocals no longer sound like a deflated balloon, and Rihanna fills the number with a passion that is sorely missing from the previous (and following) songs. If I was reviewing this as a single, it would get a straight 10.

Continuing on her roll, the record moves into "Rude Boy" and "Photographs." The former is an enjoyable kiss-off to a despicable lover. Like very few other songs she's done recently, it's fun with a capital F. That f can also stand for "f-bomb" which she drops yet again in the second verse. She would be loads of fun as a guest on the View, that's all I can say. The latter is a nice ballad with an deal-breaking guest spot from Will.i.am's computerized voice. Ugh.

G4L and Cold Case Love are not even worth a mention (hint: one is mostly about guns, the other is plain dullsville), so instead I'll focus on a shining moment on the album, "Te Amo." Upon listening to it five (okay, 7. Fine, 10!) times I have to say, this is the most likely candidate for third single. It works on almost every level. Get ready to hate it for being overplayed! I actually had a morbid pang of fear as I saw the title of this one. My brain screamed "Bad attempt at Latin pop with botched Spanish lyrics!" For once (or twice, MAYBE) I was wrong. This is a weirdly addicting little tune which gives the details of a close (lesbian, scandalé!) encounter Rihanna has with a Spanish speaking woman. Apart from the pop star not knowing what "Te Amo" means (you're from Barbados! For shame!), it plays like a sultry version of "I Kissed a Girl."

The cliche title for "The Last Song" does not do this beautiful ballad justice. Predictable yet lovely, it starts stripped down and crescendos marvelously into a title wave of emotion. Again, this would have been a great substitute for one of the earlier songs.

In short, this album is good, bad, and everything in between. It's predictable, shocking, and a mixture of both. I can't say definitively whether I enjoyed the whole experience or not. It's like a popular roller coaster: you have to wait for it, but eventually it will propel you into unusual territories. Just make sure to take the low-points along with the heights and you might get off alive.

Download this: Te Amo, Russian Roulette, Fire Bomb

...And I Liked It

Katy Perry "MTV Unplugged" (9.5/10) Available 11.17.09

Ever since Jr. High I have preferred live music over its studio brethren. The reasons are as follows:

1. Live music is mostly acoustic when recorded by artists.

2. It shows off their voices without electronic manipulation.

3. The emotion and lyrics of a song are brought the the forefront.

4. You can tell if people are full of crap, or actually are as good as they sound on their studio albums.

Thankfully, Katy Perry transferred all four of those things onto her new live CD. Since I obtained a leaked audio version, I cannot review the accompanying music videos, but I'm sure it's even more powerful (I mean, look at that kick-ass dress! Eat your heart out, Gaga). Perry has always been a tour de force for me: she has great lyrics (Mannequin, unfortunately not featured on this album), strong melodies (Thinking of You), and a knack for interesting arrangements (I Kissed a Girl, Waking Up in Vegas). In my mind, she's more original than, say, Lady Gaga (double punch!) will ever be.

MTV Unplugged kicks off with a jazzy rendition of "I Kissed a Girl," which proves to be a much more suitable atmosphere for it's (actually pretty saucy) lyricism. It then goes into one of my favorite songs from Katy, "Ur So Gay." It's politically incorrect, it's brilliant, and it's completely her own. No one has gone after the fey straighties, and, quite frankly, it was time. It doesn't really tear that much away from the original, so it sounds just like a grittier copy. Which is fine, no one said she had to reinvent the reinvention of the wheel.

With her two most recognizably "offensive" songs done, Perry moves on to "Hackensack," a cover of a Fountains of Wayne single. Apart from her weird phrasing of the title, the song fits right into her wheelhouse of quirky "story" numbers. The melody is decidedly unlike her, but again, no one said she had to totally re-do it. Then comes my favorite Perry track off of her debut album, "Thinking of You." The beauty of this song is unparalleled by much else in the pop community today, and the emotion Katy displays (particularly on the chorus) makes the whole environment that she creates buzz with longing.

I was surprised by the next track, "Lost," because it's a fairly unpopular mid-album song on "One of the Boys." Probably the weakest of the seven, it still shimmers with her gorgeous voice. Even though it is not strong in the lyric or structure department, the way Katy stretches her vocals makes it clear that this is one of her more personal songs.

"Waking Up in Vegas" provides a little break from the gloom with a fun, frolic-filled version of the original. Like "Ur So Gay," it's not so much a different arrangement as it is just a stripped-down copy. This sets up for easily the best song on the disc, the wondrous "Brick by Brick." This show-stopping number kicks the crap out of the listener as Perry begs her lover to open up to her. If there is anything to download from the album, THIS. IS. IT.

Download this: Brick by Brick, Hackensack, Thinking of You, I Kissed a Girl

Glee Recap: The Wheels Come Off

Glee Season 1 Episode 9: "Wheels" (6.5/10)

*Spoiler Alert* Do not read if you haven't watched episode 1.09.

Let me start by saying that ninety percent of this episode was solid. The jokes were (while less in number) good, the emotion was at an all time high, and everything made sense. I had every intention of going online and praising Ryan Murphy and co. after the hour was up. Sadly, the late-show plot twist involving Artie ruined what could have been fantastic. More on that later.

The focus of the episode, weirdly, was not on the kid in the wheelchair. In fact, the Artie story-line probably garnered the least amount of screen time. The two plots that got the most traction were 1. Sue Selvester's inexplicable choice to let a mentally challenged girl join the Cheerios and 2. the developments with Kurt's sexuality as it pertains to his home life. The former will be more talked about, though the latter really showed that the writers can take a conventional cliche and turn it on it's head.

Maybe it was because I was crying a little bit, but I didn't catch the fact that the botched note on Kurt's solo was on purpose. I actually thought I saw a little fear in his eyes, which pointed me in the opposite direction. Looking back, that was kind of a "wah-wah-wahhh" way to end the story, but the show is redeemed by Kurt's father's attitude towards his son's homosexuality. Besides Kevin on Brothers and Sisters there really isn't a more refreshing attitude towards the gay community on television.

The Sue plot line had me weeping by the end. I thought it was brilliant to give her a disabled sister, even if it was a little bit predictable. I just hope the writers are smart enough to use this in the future, rather than use it up and toss it aside. Jane Lynch didn't really have any biting moments this week, but that was okay after the bungling of her episode thread in "Mash-up" (more like "Throw-Up.")

Now to the sad news: either Artie's a dick, or the show did something reeeaaalllllyyy stupid with his character. I mean come on, he's really going to bail on a girl that he likes because she faked a stutter? And what is with her faking it to begin with? The whole scene was just forced and weird, and it felt like they were creating conflict where no conflict needed to be. It was just as deadly as anything that happened two weeks ago. And that's saying something.

Oh, and the whole Puck/Rachel/Finn/Quinn story didn't progress at all. They wanted you to think it did, but nothing changed, nothing grew, and nothing will be different for the characters in seven days. The cupcake thing was pretty hilarious though.

Overall, this a huge step up from last time. However, the writers need to get out of "cliche high school land" and back into the groove of what we know they're capable of. Until they do, this will just be another slightly-better-than-mediocre show on Fox's roster.

"Was I on TV?" "For a little while."

It is official. Dollhouse has been canceled. Even loyal fans of the show and Joss Whedon in general have been expecting it for weeks. It has been doing poorly in bringing in new viewers, and the small following it had was just not enough to merit it a time slot. But, a few more episodes are still scheduled to air in the coming weeks, so, to honor its memory, I will write an epitaph to the late drama.

Dollhouse (8/10)
I have always (in the last year) been a fan of Whedon's works. A friend recommended/forced me to watch Buffy. And, aside from an unfortunate first season, I loved it. My favorite characters by far were Alyson Hannigan (How I Met Your Mother, Veronica Mars) as "Willow," Nicholas Brendan (pretty much just Buffy) as "Xander," and Eliza Dushku as "Faith." So when I heard Dushku was returning to Whedon's side to star in Dollhouse, I was ecstatic. And once again, I was in love.
This show followed an organization that would trade five years of one's life in exchange for paying off debts owed or unpleasant memories. Their minds would then be wiped, leaving themselves as if empty CD's ready for files to be copied into them. One could be endowed with martial arts abilities rivaling a master or the skills of a conflict negotiator or, in one unfortunate episode, the singing and dancing talents of a backup pop star. These "dolls," as they were known, thus the name, were hired out by public and private parties to fulfill role.
The main doll, or active, is the intelligent and versatile "Echo," played by Eliza Dushku. Serving alongside Echo are "Sierra" (Dichen Lachman) and "Victor" (Enver Gjokaj), two dolls whose love has surpassed even the constant mind-wipes. In administrative positions in the Dollhouse are Olivia Williams (Peter Pan and Emma) as the director "Adelle" and Fran Kranz (The Village) as the lovably goofy, yet incredibly genius technician behind the operation, "Topher."
The first season revolved around an FBI agent trying to find the Dollhouse and hints being dropped about an elusive "Alpha" who was a rouge active. This season tried to push the limits of the box a bit more. It started off with Echo getting married to an arms dealer. She then acted as the mother of a newborn. In one episode, her mind accidentally got imprinted with that of a serial killer while at a club. And, in a surprising twist, every time Echo's mind is wiped clean from a mission, she still remembers what happened (I am hoping for a "Rouge" type breakdown sometime in the next few episodes to deal with the hundreds of personalities that are now floating in her head).
They have been, as a whole, very good episodes, but in an effort to make them the best they can, they did not leave an opening for new viewers to understand what was happening. Thus, only those that were already faithful to the show would return. And some of the writing has been a little off as of late. One characters only lines are to state the obvious. It would be slightly comical if it were not so tragic.
So with only a few un-aired episodes to go, is it worth watching? Yes, but only if you are dedicated to watching the seventeen that have already been aired.

The Ugly, Awful Truth

First, I would like to make the comment that ABC has officially canceled Eastwick. I would like to believe that it has something to do with my article last week, though it is most likely to do with the fact that nobody watches it. Either way, the earth has been spared one more pollutant in the ever-increasing landfill that has become prime time television. This being said, I will now talk about a movie.

The Ugly Truth (4/10)
Today (because it is after midnight) marks the release of The Ugly Truth onto DVD and Bluray. Please don't waste your money. When I first heard about this, I was excited. Katherine Heigl is really attractive and has been mostly talented in her past movies and shows. I watched Knocked Up, and, though I did not like the movie as a whole, I did enjoy her performance. 27 Dresses was really good as well, though, likewise, dealt with a poor plot line. However, I had high hopes for this movie. And she was acting opposite Gerard Butler (the late romantic from P.S. I Love You and the creepy baritone from The Phantom of the Opera. Also, I think he was in 300). This movie only had positives going into it, so I went to see it on opening night. It fell quickly.
It follows the relationship between a morning show producer (Heigl), and the new star of her show Butler). But she has an issue. He says men only think about sex. She is disgusted by his behavior and thinks men can be deeper. So they make a bet that if she follows his advice, she can get her attractive doctor neighbor to fall for her. And so begins the trash. What follows is an onslaught of overused jokes and cliches. Within the first fifteen minutes of the movie, I and all my fellow viewers were able to tell each plot point of the story. So, instead of buying this overdone worthless jumble of bad, go get a movie with the same plot (i.e. Bridget Jones, When Harry Met Sally, You've Got Mail), but might be on sale in the $5 bin at Wal-Mart. No one I have talked to even enjoyed this movie, and I almost guarantee that you will not either. As a friend commented, "It is a stinky piece of trash not worth the DVD it's printed on."

Mad World

Mad Men: Season 2 DVD (8.5/10)

Mad Men is one of the most hyped, critically-acclaimed shows of the decade. It has won two Emmys for Outstanding Drama Series, and has had numerous other wins and nominations. John Hamm is widely respected for his role as Don Draper, and the rest of the cast is praised along with him. The question remains, is the series really all that people say it is?

For the most part, the answer is yes. Let's start with the thing this show does right every time: namely, the casting. Even actors I had a negative disposition towards (ie Mark Moses [Desperate Housewives], Vincent Kartheiser [Angel]) prove admirable and, in both aforementioned cases, are some of the best parts of the ensemble. However, it is difficult to point to a clear strong area in the cast, as each and every one of them is pitch perfect in their respective roles. My personal favorite on the male side is John Slattery, a man who deserved a break after being killed off one show and having another cancelled. Wisely underused by the producers, he provides some necessary comic relief.

While the show is called "Mad Men," the women are the real scene stealers. Elisabeth Moss (in her Emmy-nominated part) is excellent, as are the endless parade of female guest stars. Alison Brie, playing opposite Kartheiser, really gets to shine in a few episodes, proving to be a truly under-rated star. Even Christina Hendricks, an actress who brought much-needed light to the premiere season, ups her game to the point of being award-worthy. But the MVP has to go to January Jones' Betty Draper. She is deliciously hollow and mournful, matching Hamm point for point. A show without her (or really any of the women), would destroy the very core of the program.

All the little nit-picks I had about the previous season disappeared in the premiere of this one. The boring flash-backs were (mostly) gone, the fat Peggy was fat no more, and the episodes didn't end in loose end format. The latter is most important, as this was a major bother in the first season. For instance, what happened to the "Joan's roommate being in love with her" story? Nothing. Intriguing, but gone in a flash. I'm not sure if this was bad writing or a floppy attempt at realism, but it was annoying either way.

The writing for this season seems more cohesive and the guest spots seem thought out. Colin Hanks (son of Tom) wonderfully plays a priest in three episodes, while a steamy Sam Page (Point Pleasant) is cast as Joan's sleazy fiance. They both feel natural and interesting, bringing a little mystery and (in Page's case) horror to the show. Page and Hendricks have one of the most affecting scenes in the show's history, and they carry it out marvelously.

As for the quality of the sound and picture, it is difficult to find fault with either one. The crisp, clean shots of the 60's lifestyle are presented in near-hi-def quality, whether with interior or exterior scenes. The workplace set is creatively built, and it has a "if Wisteria-Lane were an office building" type of feel to it. That is to say, you feel the smooth transition from room to room, and it gives the impression of an actual environment.

If I had one complaint about this show, it would have to be the watchability factor. If you want marathon viewing, pick up a season of 24 or How I Met Your Mother because it is difficult to watch more than an episode at a time with this one. It's not the show's fault, but the distinct flavor and attitude of it is so dark, you have to give yourself a break between credits. But if you are patient, this unique and incredible drama will envelope you like the cigarette smoke that fills the rooms of Sterling Cooper. Highly recommended.

Breath of Fresh Air

Florence + the Machine "Lungs" (9/10)

Ironically, most indie rock bands sound the same. It doesn't take much to start a trend (see: the Shins) or to follow one (see: every independent band that came after the Shins). The "alternative" music scene, fraught with Dashboard Confessional look-alikes, is a joke. In this world of mediocrity and reusing an established sound, finding originality is hard to do.

Enter: Florence + the Machine, a little-known group from London. The band was created by Florence Welch, a woman with a vaguely spiritual voice and a knack for creepy lyrics. They caught fire in England, so, like Winehouse, Allen, Adele, and Duffy before them, they decided to try their luck in the States. While they still remain little-known, it is assuredly through no fault of their own.

"Lungs" is a delight to listen to from start to finish. It begins with a neo-gothic number, "Dog Days Are Over." Listeners are given a gratifying taste of Welch's voice, which swoops on the bridges then chants rhythmically on the chorus. Another thing in this song that proves to be indicative of the future are the incredible lyrics. "She hid around corners, she hid under beds/She killed it with kisses, and from it she fled." When's the last time you heard that kind of lyricism in modern music?

The group proves itself over and over in songs like "I'm Not Calling You a Liar" and "Kiss with a Fist." The former scorns a lover for things he might do to her, while the latter is a violent take on relationship revenge. The very best song, however, comes late in the album with "My Boy Builds Coffins." The words are completely middle-ages, and Florence's voice floats heavenly on the clouds this track creates. "He builds one for himself/one for me too/and one of these days he'll make one for you." She might be singing of death, but the life that her voice brings will make even the darkest day vibrant. Highly recommended.

Download this: My Boy Builds Coffins, Kiss With a Fist, Dog Days Are Over, Howl, Drumming

Gleeing Red

Allison Iraheta "Friday I'll Be Over U- Single" (7.5/10)

If you couldn't tell, Max (!!!, that's right, he gets triple exclamations today) Martin is one of my idols. He writes some of the coolest, trend-settiest, most interesting music in the pop world today. An example of his brilliance would be the new Allison Iraheta single out today, Friday I'll Be Over U. I was lucky enough to obtain a leaked copy of this song two weeks ago, and it now resides at number 2 on my "Top 25 most Played List" with 107 listens. It's THAT intoxicating.

Over-production is, in my opinion, the bane of the pop industry today. It's why people like Howie Day are one-hit wonders. Because they have no talent, and, through technology, can fool people into thinking they do. But we've heard what Allison can do through the vehicle of American Idol. We know that she could have no production and still bring down the house with a performance.

A lot of people criticize this song for being too "immature." I've seen reviews that want "rock soul songs, not pop ditties about boys." Holy geez, people, she's 17 years old! Just because Idol lives in a state of perpetual oldies doesn't mean their grads have to. Do we really want another David Archuleta, someone who sings "beau" as if it's a foreign language?

In short, Vocals: Awesome. Writing: Awesome. Production: Passable. This equals a song that I think could soon be coming to a radio near you.

Glee: The Music Vol. 1 (5/10)

The magic of Glee captivated me and lost me within the space of three weeks. I was finally hooked after the "Somebody to Love" episode, and I rode the wave of Gleefulness into the next few weeks. Then "Mash-up" came along and one of my favorite things about television fell apart at the seams. It. Was. Torture. After that heinous episode, I took stock of Glee and what I really thought about it, and came to an unsettling conclusion: the songs kind of suck.

I read a review today that said the producers have basically edited the actor who plays Finn (Cory Monteith) to sound like Cher at this point. Besides being a laugh-out-loud line, it was really true! Even the beautiful voice of Lea Michele, which bursted forth loveliness on songs like "Take a Bow" has been molded into an auto-metronic vocal from GarageBand.

Matthew Morrison is even deeper in the doghouse for his half-hearted "vocals" on mostly rap songs (oh, and back up on Alone, as if that matters). It's disgusting that this one-time Broadway actor has reduced himself to this cheesy role. As if that wasn't bad enough, the producers nixed Jayma Mays' song from the record, leaving her face on the cover as if to say "We'd rather have "Bust a Move on here than your heart-breaking rendition of 'I Could Have Danced All Night.'"

It's not all bad. The aforementioned "Take a Bow" is awesome, as are "Somebody to Love" and "Maybe This Time." Glee just needs to realize that they are succeeding and move on from such obvious choices in musical numbers.

Unfortunately for the music of Glee, things are not looking up. I saw the track list for the next volume of songs, and it's predictable with a capital P. For instance, Amber Riley singing "And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going," Lea Michele on "Don't Rain on my Parade" (incidentally covered recently by Idina Menzel, surprise surprise), and Chris Colfer singing that demeaning Archuleta song "Crush." Things are about to get fugly.

Download this: "Maybe This Time" "Take a Bow" "Somebody to Love" "

Under-par for Underwood

Carrie Underwood "Play On" (5/10)

I am not a huge Carrie fan, although American Idol is something close to my favorite thing ever. I enjoyed her last two albums to the extent that they were well made, well written, and well sung. Unfortunately, this new offering only boasts two out of three of those.

Let's start with what she did best: Her voice is as flawless as ever. She is consistently powerful, and can display vulnerability and determination often within the same breath. Anyone who accuses her of being a bad singer is crazy, that is for sure. That being said, her pitch seems off in "Someday When I Stop Loving You", the second of many dreary ballads on the record. The key just doesn't seem to jive with her vocals, and what could have been a gorgeous song suffers because of it.

The second thing the album does correctly lies in the songwriting. Max (!!) Martin lends a hand on "Quitter," a fun frolic with banjos and steel drums (and possibly a ukulele?) that fills the quota all country albums must have of lyrics like "sit on your front porch" and "did you see the picket fence." "Cowboy Casanova," on the other hand, has a pure country title, but a total rock flavor. It's a new look for Underwood, and she wears it well.

Carrie herself co-writes seven out of the thirteen tracks. An instance where this works particularly well is during her duet with Sons of Sylvia "What Can I Say." Her voice stretches on the soaring chorus, where her not-often-heard falsetto makes a good song incredible. It almost distracts from the way she totally hogs the spotlight, forcing these Sons to play second fiddle (possibly literally).

While the lyrics and melodies often click, there are points where I honestly thought "What was she thinking?" This is never more true than on the preachy "Change," which church kids will be quoting in a month's time. "What do you do when you're watching TV/and an ad comes on, yeah you know the kind/flashing up pictures of a child in need/for a dime a day, you could save a life." I sat in abject horror and listened to her play the pretentious "Bono" card. Sorry Carrie, but I don't see you calling the "Save a Child" hotline and donating all your money to African countries.

The main problem with the album is that the two strengths don't equal a hit. The great songwriting is washed down the river to make room for power-belting from Underwood. While it's initially thrilling, it quickly grows mundane and tiresome. This is generally a hit or miss affair, making it a perfect "download some songs, leave others in the dust" CD.

Download this: "Cowboy Casanova," "Quitter," "Undo It," "Temporary Home," "What Can I Say?"

All in the (Modern) Family.

Hello everybody, this is my first ever blog so, please, bear with me. Eensy wit of info about me before I start to spout my opinions: I'm 20 (almost), a girl (in case you couldn't tell), I'm from Massillon, Ohio, but I currently live and go to school in New York City (yes, be jealous). I, in fact, go to acting school at The New York Conservatory for Dramatic Arts-so I'm going to bring an interesting perspective to entertainment-not just that of the fan, but also that of a person who is attempting to be on the inside of it.

Now that I'm done boring you with information about me, that I'm sure you don't care about, I'm going to discuss a lovely, new abc sitcom: Modern Family (10/10--you heard me 10!).

Modern Family is a sort of mockumentary style take on a story following three families-but here's the twist-they are all one family as well! I know, it's amazing. An interesting thing I've applied to watching sitcoms now, I learned from a fantastic book called The Eight Characters of Comedy, by Scott Sedita. It's really a book for actors and writers-but if you enjoy sitcoms, it's a really fun and fascinating read. Pretty much the book says that there are 8 characters that pop up in every sitcom-I won't go into it, if you'd like to know more, read the book. My point is, now I am unable to watch sitcoms without automatically thinking which character (or characters) they are. There's "The Logical Smart One", "The Lovable Loser", "The Neurotic", "The Dumb One", "The Bitch/Bastard", "The Womanizer/Manizer", "The Materialistic One", and "In Their Own Universe."

Anyway, so Modern Family's characters are, obviously, the core of the show. There is the patriarch of the family, Jay Pritchett (played hilariously by Ed O'Neill)-he is The Bastard, he is surly and manly and manages to always rub people the wrong way...except for his new, young wife Gloria-he generally tries to rub her the right way (yes...it's a lame innuendo...accept it). Gloria Delgado-Pritchett (the beautiful Sofia Vergada) is Jay's wife of 6 months, a Colombian woman who is much younger than Jay and plays simultaneously The Logical Smart One-always trying to make him see the light and bring everyone together as a family, and even more so In Her Own Universe-coming from Columbia seems to make her...different. Gloria has a preteen son from her first marriage, Manny (portrayed by a precocious Rico Rodriguez II) who is a very special kid-he manages to also be The Logical Smart One (giving his "stepsister" Claire advice about her kids, and spouting wisdom and acceptance beyond his years), and, like his mother, is even more In His Own Universe with his Colombian enthusiasm, such as drinking coffee.

Then there is the more "normal" sect of the family-the Dunphys. Claire Dunphy (played with a wonderful dean pan humor by Julie Bowen) is Jay's daughter-she is the pure Logical Smart One. She attempts to impose order and normalcy, while surrounded by her insane family-especially her child-like, "hip-ster" husband Phil (Ty Burrell). Phil is a Lovable Loser, and a bit of a Dumb One. He is hilarious-he constantly thinks he is better than he is, that he is "cool", he tries so hard and fails so miserably it's impossible not to love him-however it is possible to question his parenting skills at times, but his heart is always in the right place. They have three children: The Manizer (and due to her typical teen-ness probably The Materialistic One) teenaged Haley (Sarah Hyland), The Neurotic (a.k.a. nerdy) younger teenage daughter, Alex (Ariel Winter), and...well....The Dumb One (and perhaps In His Own Universe) Luke (Nolan Gould)-who pretty much makes his humor by doing things like jumping on the trampoline naked.

Finally there is the super "alternative" (but adorable and finally represented and at least somewhat accepted) Pritchett and Tucker family. Mitchell Pritchett (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) is Jay's son, he is The Neurotic One, a snob, a worrier, and...gay. He is beautifully paired with Cameron Tucker (the fantastically funny Eric Stonestreet) who is In His Own (gay) Universe, and the two constantly bicker and challenge each other-and complement the other, especially with the arrival of their newly adopted baby Lily, from Vietnam. There are so many funny moments, plot lines, and character nuances that I look forward to laughing at it for many seasons to come.

Here's a teaser...there is a moment where Cameron brings out baby Lily to be presented to the entire family....to the soundtrack of The Lion King...just...run to hulu right this second and watch it. DO IT!

Accidently on Eastwick

I have spent the last couple days racking my brain as to what I could cover in my very first review here. I have finally decided. As many of you will come to find, I am highly addicted to television. I will watch anything: action, comedy, drama, sci-fi, even anime if I am desperate. It does not even have to be good television as long as it follows some sort of plot line. I am constantly in the middle of watching a series from beginning to end, and, once it does end, I feel empty until I start a new show. This introduction was not to tell you all of how much I don't have a life but to explain why the majority of my post will be about television shows. Thus, I will start with two shows new this season.

Accidentally on Purpose (7/10)
When this show first began, I was simply excited because Jenna Elfman (Dharma & Greg) was in it, and it came on right after How I Met Your Mother, so it must be good. And I was not far off. Elfman play a mid-thirties woman who, upset about a recent breakup, decides to have a one night stand with the young Zack (Jon Foster of Life As We Know It). This becomes a series of stands and eventually a baby (surprise! It's not a crane!). They decide to move in together but stop sleeping together. What ensues is a series of dates and hijinks that only increase the sexual tension between the two characters. The humor is, expectantly, juvenile. The acting is mostly basic. And the thought behind the title was briefly touched on in the first episode, then completely ignored. But, aside from this, it is a pretty good show that has little to no potential past the birth of the child.

Eastwick (3/10)
What a poor blunder this was. I was told to watch this because a minor character is played by Darren Criss (A Very Potter Musical, youtube it). I will admit I only watched the first three episodes, so if it improved after this....nevermind. It could not improve. Anyway, the show is based on the novel by John Updike and it's 1987 movie about three witches who live in a town near Salem, Mass. They are brought together to random coins that show up, somehow forcing them to make a wish in a fountain, granting them powers. The women all-of-a-sudden become best friends and hang out with the new-to-town billionaire who seems to be a collection of ten different characters. One character goes from suspecting him to being friends with him and back in the span of five minutes. Plots are poorly developed. Characters are one-dimensional at best. As it is Rebecca Romijn's first television appearance since her pregnancy got her off of Ugly Betty last fall, it appears she decided to go for a poorer quality show so she would not have to work as hard. Or this was her consolation prize. Either way, this show is a waste of time that could only succeed if a spell is cast on the viewers.

Impossible? More like mundane and average 4/10

Impossible by Nancy Werlin held promise. The plot is an original one, surprising in this day and age, where most stories are copies of classics or of not-so classics. The story involves the Simon and Garfunkle song "Scarborough Fair" under the name "The Elvin Knight." It opens up with young, seven-year-old Lucy finding some mysterious papers that seem to be magical. She hides them away, promising herself to come back later, but the memory is lost to her for over ten years. When she is eighteen she learns of an age old curse on her family through some tragic circumstances. The curse can be broken if she follows the instructions in the song. The last four stanzas explain it:
From the sting of my curse she can never be free
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Unless she unravels my riddlings three
She will be a true love of mine

Tell her to make me a magical shirt
...
Without any seam or needlework
...

Tell her to find me an acre of land
...
Between the salt water and the sea strand
...

Tell her to plow it with just a goat's horn
...
And sow it all over with one grain of corn
Else she'll be a true love of mine
And all her daughters forever possessions of mine

She had to make a shirt with no seams or needles, find an acre of land in a seemingly impossible section, plow it with a goats horn (not to be confused with a shofar, a ram's horn) and then sow it with one, single grain of corn. It all sounded so promising. And then I hit the middle. Throughout the beginning her best friend Zach has been by her side, and he is the obvious love interest. I knew he would be. I felt that the love interest would be a good undercurrent in the book. Something subtle. It seemed that it would be that way. Werlin is deceptive. However, once I hit the exact middle of the book I saw her intentions. And the corniness of it all was horrific to me. He declares love for her, before he even realizes that he's in love with her. After his declaration, of course, he feels peace and recognizes the truth of the statement (really? come on). Then, a week later, he proposes. It's truly ridiculous. She doesn't know how she feels about him, but recognizes her love for him once he proposes. Not when he said he loved her, but after the marriage proposal. Which will help her.

Over all the last part of the book, for the most part, made me want to vomit. At certain mushy, lovey-dovey parts, I nearly did. The ending and the involvement of Zach as the "I'll love you till I die, even though we're eighteen and you've got some serious issues and this weird magical curse that I kind of don't believe in hanging over you. But no worries we'll make it. And look I bought a beautiful big house for us to live in." Totally unrealistic and, again, ridiculous. If you read the beginning, and the parts about the curse it's good. If you add the other crap it's not. I leave up to you dear reader, to decide if you will waste precious moments of your life reading this. However, you could die tomorrow and would you really want the last thing you read to be a crappy love novel, no matter how cleverly it was concealed?

Single Albums (Put a B-Side on It)

If you don't get the Beyonce reference in the title, stop reading and listen to the radio (or crawl out from under your rock). A lot of singles have come out lately from pop divas and such, and this post is designated to reviewing a few of them. They range from great (Britney) to wanting to be smothered like the poor woman (whom I refuse to believe is the artist herself) on the album artwork in the case of Lady Gaga.

Leighton Meester feat. Robin Thicke "Somebody to Love- Single" (3.5/10)

Let me add a disclaimer here by saying I have never understood Mr. Thicke's appeal. For a womanizing songwriter, he has a very unfortunate name, and the fact that he's trying to reinvent himself as the next Stevie Wonder (sans piano and blindness) only serves to enrage me.

The song itself is not that great. I had high hopes for Leighton going into this premiere single, due to her fantastic delivery in the Cobra Starship song "Good Girls Go Bad," and her (kind of awesome) leaked cover of "Bette Davis Eyes." But, for some reason, Leighton decided to piss me off by choosing a song which requires her to speak-sing while Thicke carries the shallow melody. If you didn't see Meester's dated pop-art cover on the single, you would think that Robin was the star of the show, as he overpowers her voice at every turn.

In short, this is not a "bad" song, per se, just a boring one. Which is actually worse, in my opinion.

Britney Spears "3" (8/10)

"Are you in?/Living in sin is the new thing!" Britney teases from her new single, hot on the heels of the announcement of a Greatest Hits album. This wonderful exercise in electro-pop, written and produced by Max (!!) Martin is a romp through the life of... well... a slut. And, in true Spears' style, it works even with it's strong threesome-esque invitations. (Side note, they bleeped out "sin" in the music video. Weird, right?)

The whole single is pure fun, especially on the falsetto bridges where Britney actually (gasp!) sings. The chorus is not as utterly perfect as what comes before, but it's hard to fault something for being TOO catchy in parts. Recommended for people who have a sense of humor and will not feel compelled to proposition the couple next door after hearing it.

Lady Gaga "Bad Romance" (2/10)

(Cheesy pun in five, four, three...) I am not gaga for Gaga, but I do like her enough to feel invested in her career. The problem I have is that, unlike P!nk, Britney, and Paris Hilton, her voice is not a facade. Why is this a problem? Because on her albums, it sounds as if it is. I have seen many a live YouTube video of her singing various covers, ranging from Imagine to Viva La Vida. She has a gorgeous voice, almost classical, actually, and it warms my soul to know another Xtina exists. Then LoveGame comes on my radio and it makes me want to punch someone in the disco stick.

Unfortunately for this Lady, there is nothing elegant or original about Bad Romance. Quite simply put, it's BAD. Blatantly reusing parts of the melody to Poker Face, she tries to coo. I don't know how much you have heard Gaga songs, but the girl should. Never. Coo. The air of seduction she tries to place around the number ends up sounding like a corny 2002 track from a movie like Step Up or another crap (I mean "dance") flick. And sorry, m'Lady, but no one is going to be popping or locking to this little ditty. Unless the new "Queen of Pop" gets her act together, in few years you'll be hearing "Lady Gaga? That is SO 2009."

Cougars Eat Owls for Breakfast

There are many ways to write an introduction to a blog post, but all of them escape me at this moment. It's one of those mornings, the kind where you wake up and all the electricity is off. The kind where the only things you have to eat are microwaveable. The kind where the computer you need to reboot your internet has disappeared inexplicably (side note, wtf?!). So, in the spirit of my crappy morning, you're not getting an introduction, my one follower who I had to beg to do so. Suck on that.

Cougar Town *ABC 9:30 PM* (8/10)

In a world of laugh-tracks and constant sex jokes in sitcoms, Cougar Town breaks out of one of those molds and squeezes another for all it's worth. Courtney Cox, in her triumphant return to television after the disgusting mess that was Dirt, plays Jules, a forty year-old divorcee who is ready to get back on the dating scene. Along with her mid-twenties friend Laurie, played by a hilarious Busy Phillips (Dawson's Creek), she tries to fit in with the under thirty crowd and find a hot boy toy.

If this sounds gimmicky to you, then you're right on the money. Cougar Town is as camp as Ugly Betty, albeit with less colors and considerably less bitchitry. Cox wisely plays a self-deprecating role, not unlike her one-time Friends co-star Lisa Kudrow did when she played a washed-up star in the short lived Showtime series The Comeback. This gives her a "fresh faced, eager to please" attitude. In the male roles, What I Like About You's Nick Zano plays her current love interest while Josh Hopkins (Pepper Dennis, Brothers and Sisters) is cast as her womanizing neighbor.

If the new Britney Spears song "3" was a television show, this would be it. This is pure and unadulterated fun, despite sporting more sex jokes than you could shake a dildo at. Not for the easily offended, as this is "Desperate Houswives: The Sitcom Version" but with Eva Longoria Parker and Teri Hatcher's characters smashed into a single lead role. Recommended.

Owl City "Ocean Eyes" (3/10)

Electronic music is generally hit or miss. To succeed in this narrow market, you have to have creativity, spark, and originality. Imogen Heap is a good example of how to make an awesome electronic record. It's interesting without being over-done, she's not auto-tuned in every song, and each track is easily distinguished from the next.

This is not so with Adam Young's project Owl City. If Hannah Montana had a younger brother with a Macbook, OC is what he would sound like. It's throwaway trash without any oomph behind it, which makes it fall short of peers such as Ashley Tisdale or even Vanessa "basically what we're going to do is dance" Hudgens. Why? Because it's been done. Over and freakin' over.

Young sounds like a neutered Matthew Theissen on every song. His tunes inflate like bubbles blown from one of those wands: Pretty, light, but ultimately pointless. The various interchangeable lyrics range from creepy ("I'll watch the night turn light blue/but it's not the same without you") to stupid ("Hello Seattle, I am a mountaineer") to pathetic ("I've been to the dentist, so I know the drill"). He makes Jesse McCartney look like Mozart, mainly because it seems like he puts no effort into his songs.

Frankly, this is a flash-in-the-pan album that will not hold up six months from now. The reason for its success is simple: Tweens are tired of Nick Jonas. The teen heartthrob scene needs a fresh face, and these Postal Service-lite songs are just what the doctor ordered. Unfortunatley this doctor is more Kevorkian than Feelgood, so beware your brain cells when you hit play on this electronic dud.

Download this: Vanilla Twilight (if you must)