A-medical Idol

American Idol Season Premiere Recap:

Today I dealt with being late to class, standing in the freezing cold for fifteen minutes, and eating nothing but a yogurt parfait all day. The one thought running through my head: "Finally, after all this crap, I get to watch American Freaking Idol."

I am not exaggerating when I say this is my favorite show of all time. Since season 3, I have never missed an episode. I find it enthralling, entertaining, enjoyable, heart-rending (Carly! Allison! Megan!), and ultimately the best way to spend 1-2 hours. I watch with my mother, who basically mimics the judge's opinions, so it also takes great resolve to have all these emotions swirling inside me.

The Judges

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I knew we were in for a hot mess of a critic as soon as Victoria Beckham walked through the door in all her Posh glory. First, she looked like Barbie: The Grandma Version in day one. Seriously, I almost thought if you lifted up her dress, you'd find painted-on underwear. Plus, for a "fashion icon," her simple red dress was rather boring and drab. It wasn't the worst look of the episode, but, for a former Spice Girl, it was very disappointing.

Simon was in prime form (thank the heavens). It wasn't just the same "boring, horrible, annoying" schtick. For the first audition (Janet, the AI video game lady) he asked "Does this window open?" while they were on what had to be a 20+ floor. In another, when a contestant said they were going to Hollywood, he replied "And I can fly to the moon. Well, actually, I can." It was a brilliant line and a brilliant night for Simon.

Kara had some hiccups. Let's list them in order from least to most appalling:

- "I bet your mom makes gooood sauce."

- *dramatic voice* "You, who(m) I do not like, AT ALL."

- "You need a spanking!"

As for Randy's staying on and Paula's absence, this is all I will say: I never cared for the dawg, and I will get over Paula's departure. It is not a fatal blow to the show.

The Good

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While there were no Adam Lambert or even David Cook type singers in the mix in the two hours, there was a good dose of possible talent. Maddy, the girl with the four autistic brothers, picked the most predictable song, but sang it well enough. I don't see her making it to the finals, but a semi-final trip may be in her future.

Also in the "good voice, crap song choice" category were Luke Shaffer, who sang "Fall for You" by Secondhand Serenade (aka, the most pretentious band/person in the world) and Ashley Rodriguez who decided on "If I Ain't got You" by Alicia Keys. Luke was good (and very cute) but I couldn't get past the cheesy lyrics. If I were at that judging table (fingers crossed!) I would have made him sing another song. Ashley was even better, but again, the song choice threw me for a loop. This is a little number that every ethnic girl has sung on this show, so why show no originality as an artist by doing the exact same thing?

Not having this problem at all, the three girl montage of Jennifer Hirsh, Claire Fuller, and Jess Wolfe ripped through their songs. Jess stood out from the rest of the pack by doing a lovely version of "People Get Ready" by The Impressions. As of right now, she is my favorite to win the entire show. In that 10 second clip, she made me love her.

Now we come to the medical drama portion of the show. I get it, backstories get ratings. But really? In a half hour we had to hear the three sob stories of "boy with cancer," "girl with Alzheimeric grandmother," and "boy who shattered his two wrists by falling out of a tree." I'm not saying any of these should be handled with anything but respect, but still, I am so over the "story beats vocals" type of rock-paper-scissors game that this show has been playing.

The Bad

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Even though I liked the look (wink) of Joshua Blaylock, and I liked his personality, I do not want to hear "God Bless the Broken Road" one more time on Idol. I don't even like the song in the first place, so why do I need to hear a watered-down, smiley version?

Derek Hilton (long-lost brother to Paris?) was like taking Chris Brown and putting him through the washer while he sings. Still, I saw a voice there. Which was also the case with Lisa Olivero, who ripped out the soul of "Treating Me Kind" and ate it whole. In a bad way. Again, I really do think there is a voice there. It kills me when contestants have the stuff, but refuse to hit the notes. I just want to shake them while screaming "What is wrong with you?!"

Then we have AI game girl, guy who pissed off Kara, dude who looked like Janet Jackson (best critique of the night!), and Bosa, the kid that got through even though he was dry as toast (Hell Week will not be kind to you, bud). I don't really care about any of these, so let's leave it there, eh?

Conclusion

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It was a fine episode. There were a lot more bad auditions than I would have liked, but the two hours set up the season nicely. As usual (except for Jess), I did not see anyone that I am immediately attached to. That will come during the semi-finals. And who knows? Maybe a new Allison Iraheta is waiting to pounce on the music world. We shall see.

All that Glitters is not Old

Adam Lambert "For Your Entertainment" (8/10)

Disclaimer: I'm going to attempt to review Mr. Lambert's album without any mention of the AMAs and his polarizing performance there. I personally enjoyed it, but I can see why people didn't. That is all I will say on the subject.

When Adam was on American Idol, his greatest achievements were the opposite of what you would think. The glam rocker of the eighth season's rhinestones never shone brighter than when he was on stripped-down numbers. Mad World, A Change is Gonna Come, and Tracks of My Tears were undoubtably his best moments on the show.

There is little to none of that here. The problem with his up-tempo songs on Idol was the material. Pieces like "Play that Funky Music" and "Born to Be Wild" will always be stuck in karaoke land. He might have injected a bit of originality into them, but not enough to make these "follow the bouncing ball" standards sound like anything but what they were. However, on "For Your Entertainment," the faster songs are the ones that truly show his personality. "Strut," "Whataya Want From Me," "Music Again," and the title track all show that he's got guts to go along with glory.

While those four songs pack a needed punch in the album's opening, "FYE" never really takes a dip in quality, apart from the generic filler track "Sure Fire Winners." "Soaked" is a cleverly written ballad penned by the mind behind British rock band Muse. It has the untraditional (the Middle-Eastern strings section in the beginning) combined with traditional (the way the song amps up into the final chorus) in a cool and intriguing addition to the CD. Similarly brilliant is "Sleepwalker," where Adam plays the part of a man so obsessed he can't sleep. The atmospheric tension combines with his erethral vocals for fantastic results.

The entire record is worth purchasing. It's so rare to find a brand of "different" pop, and to find it from an American Idol contestant is even more distinct. Kudos to Adam for staying true to who he is. Like the man himself said, he's here for your entertainment.

Download this: Whataya Want From Me, Soaked, Sleepwalker

American Idol: Top Ten Performances of All Time

So I recently watched some musical performances on YouTube sung during the eight season course of American Idol and I wanted to write about it. I thought, "What better way than to blog it?!" So here we go, the ten best Idol performances I have seen (barring the first and second seasons, as I have not had the pleasure of viewing them.)

10. Blake Lewis "You Give Love a Bad Name"- Blake was a trailblazer for American Idol for many reasons. A beat-boxer who sang incredibly well, he infused the sixth season of my beloved show with a uniqueness that was MIA that year. In an four month story-arc filled with Lakisha, Melinda, and Jordin belting out the same old perfect melodies, Blake (and his adorable outfits) lit up the stage with his personality. You Give Love a Bad Name was arguably his most risky performance, and it propelled him into the top 2. With it's four straight measures of boxing, it's decidedly un-Bon Jovi melody, and his rampant charisma, he worked it out and gave us the most exciting song of season 6.

9. Melinda Doolittle "My Funny Valentine"- I was going to give Constantine Maroulis the MVP on this song, but I recently watched both performances back to back, and Mindy Doo is clearly the belle of the ball when it comes to humorous lovers. The woman broke it DOWN and sang with such a gusto and bravado, something we never really saw again. The infusions of "who, MEEE? I'm a good singer?!" were gone for the night, and the girl made mince meat out of the Rodgers and Hart number.

8. Carrie Underwood "Alone"- While I did not want Carrie to win (Vonzell Soloman's quirky goodness was far more my taste), I cannot fault her for her song choice in Heart's "Alone." Since she conquered the stage with that vocal, contestants have been trying unsuccessfully to match it. You know if Carly Smithson's version sounds bad by comparison, you have an incredible notch in the Idol wall of fame.

7. David Cook "Billie Jean"- Simultaneously enraging and engaging the American public, the proclaimed "rocker" of the seventh season kicked ass with this re-done version of a Michael Jackson classic. Some (drama queeny) people got upset that he used a cover song to base his off of, but he none the less rocked it out with style. Chris Cornell himself could not do a better job making this song into a sexy power ballad. Covering the cover is hard enough, but to outshine both versions is a real feat.

6. Jason Castro "Hallelujah"- Some dub the seventh season of American Idol as "Artist Idol" because musicians were allowed to play instruments for the first time. This was none more true than with Jason Castro, who was as Anti-Idol as you can get. With his pretty but flimsy voice, he charmed the hearts of America and placed fourth. This was due in large part to his amazing semi-final take on Hallelujah. With tears in his eyes and a crack in his vocal, he got a "brilliant" rating from Mr. Cowell and a safe passage to the top 12. Hallelujah indeed.

5. Allison Iraheta "Someone to Watch Over Me"- This was the most moving performance from the teenager I have ever seen on the show. I teared up when her voice broke on the line "Although he's not the man some/girls think of as handsome." The designated rocker chick gave the old-timey number a youthful energy and passion. She simply OWNED Rat Pack week, and even more so for suffering through that shitty critique from Simon that she was "robotic in parts." Screw you, Mr. Cowell. Without you, she would have sailed through to the top three. Then we wouldn't have had Danny Gokey (aka, "ghoulish widower") singing "Dream On" as if it was a White Stripes song. Ugh. (Yes, I am still bitter.)

4. Katharine Mcphee "Somewhere Over the Rainbow"- Kat was not my favorite during Idol's consistent yet tedious fifth season, but her Simon-picked song choice of "Rainbow" turned out to be her best on the show. Even though Jason Castro covered a better version of the classic in season 7, there is no way anyone will be able to match the raw power that Mcphee inspired. I remember downloading the song as soon as it came out and listening to it over thirty times in one night. Down with Hicks! Long live Mcpheever!

3. Carly Smithson "Here You Come Again"- Not many people will remember this smoldering ballad from Ms. Ireland 2008, but it is more than worth a mention. She took Dolly Parton's mid-tempo song and changed it up to be slow and delicate, producing an immaculate performance that, in my opinion, exceeded anything else for that season. Her voice soared over the verses, and built up into that final, incredible glory note at the end. America got it wrong sending this one home so early.

2. Adam Lambert "Mad World"- The One Who Occasionally Sounds Like a Wounded Cat came out on the dreary "Year You Were Born" week and ran DVR schedules over the time limit all across the country. He got a standing ovation by Simon (rare), a proclamation of him "definitely being in the finals" (less rare), and a walloping 42% of the vote (according to Idol experts) on a night with 8 people singing. He finally showed his true colors (the primary one obviously being blue) and didn't seem as if he was acting. This, unfortunately, was not true of the vampire-y encore in the finale, which might be part of the reason he only achieved runner up status. But, icy lighting and all, Adam really blew this song out of the water (okay, enough blue puns) and, in doing so, pretty much ordered America to advance him straight to the finals. Don't pass Go. Don't collect 200 bizarre critiques.

1. Fantasia Barrino "Summertime"- This undoubtably marks the longest I have cried over an Idol vocal (and I was fourteen, folks!) Fantasia took her soul and threw it on the stage, making contenders like LaToya London and Diana Degarmo (not to mention the awful Jasmine Trias) quake in their boots. It was perfection. It was immaculate. It had the Dawg standing up on his paws and shouting about it being the best 90 seconds the show had ever seen. In that moment, ladies and gentlemen, a star was born.