Gleeicide

"Glee: The Music Vol. 2" (2/10)

When the first Glee album came out about a month and a half ago, I thought it was a halfway decent attempt at turning pop music into musical numbers. It had some very good songs on it (mostly supplied by Kristin Chenoweth) and some promising performances (sans anything Matthew Morrison.)

This is not so with the second go-around. Frankly, this CD sucks. Everything on it (except for one song) is either a pale imitation of the original or a total bore. Corey and Lea, you two fumbled badly on Imagine. Matthew, while you had better selections than "The Thong Song" this time, you still weren't convincing or interesting. Amber Riley, you are not Jennifer Hudson, Beyonce, or any other diva you embarrassingly try to impersonate. I never want to hear anyone but Ms. Hudson (or Jennifer Holiday) sing "And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going." Have a word with the producers, babe. Get some less predictable material.

One of the things I find perplexing is their obsessive need to make so many songs group numbers thrown in without context. For instance, if Diana Agathon's "Crush" had some sort of story to go with it, it could have been a legitimate hit. But because it just sits there, it gives the unmistakable oder of so-so karaoke. That is one of my main beefs with the music and the show itself: they don't NEED to have these random songs tossed in. Pull a "Busting Windows" again and have a true musical experience. Do they really think that people will care when the show is barely grounded in reality already?

The one song that gets a thumbs up from me (and salvages the album from a "1/10" rating) is Lea Michele's version of "Don't Rain on My Parade." She soars on this track, and while that is no surprise, it is still a welcome break from dry-as-toast numbers like "True Colors."

Special mention should also go to all the cast members that participated in the Glee rendition of "My Life Would Suck Without You." Guys, that was ear-wrenchingly terrible. Why Kelly gave you that song, I will never know. She is probably dying a little inside as she hears the traumatic way it sounds like an ugly twin of her version. Never ever ever do that to a wonderful icon of pop music. Also, stop putting Jayma Mays on the cover if she doesn't sing a note on the actual CD. That is just common courtesy.

In short, do not buy this. Do not download it. Make like "Old Yeller" and shoot it while it's foaming at the mouth. Maybe in another year, Glee will succeed in putting out a decent album, but based on this offering, I wouldn't hold my breath.

Glee Recap: Deaf, Dumb, and Blind

Glee "Hairography" (3/10)

When I watched the eighth episode of this "beloved" series (Mash-up), I declared it was the worst hour of television I had ever seen. Well, now Glee is giving that steaming pile of horse crap a run for its money. The show committed many offenses this week, five of which I will be calling forward. Let's go in order of most to least bothersome.

1. Jane Lynch is being used as if she is a freaking extra. The woman gets no screen time anymore, apparently preferring to come on, spout a couple (iffy) one liners, then fade into the background. It's a bad use of the character and the actress. On the other hand, again recalling Mash-up, she really didn't do well when she got her own story line. Still, if Lynch is looking to snag an Emmy nomination, she better darn well put more time in front of a camera.

2. The stereotypes are driving me to the point of exhaustion. Kurt is a caricature, his only purpose being his sexuality. Do you think the writers ever intend for him to have a relationship on the show? Because I'm starting to doubt it. Also, the "token hood school" introduced us right off the bat to two offensive black characters. Did Eve even read the script before she decided to be on this episode? "We might be thieves and arsonists, but we never cheat." Seriously? Apart from Mercedes, this is the first African American with a decent part on the show, and we turn her into a white-pride wet dream? Ugh.

3. The story lines episode to episode are either illogical or unneeded. Quinn tried to make it work with Puck... and failed. Kurt still harbored feelings for Finn.... and didn't really do anything about it. Rachel and Finn almost hooked up.... but then he liked the way she looked BEFORE. Quinn wanted to keep the baby....but then decided to give it up again. Nothing happened! It was a stagnant, static episode with no real plot development. As if this wasn't bad enough, the story points leading up to the skirmish require giant leaps of faith. Will thinks that Sue might have leaked his plays, so he confronts a random school, who randomly decided to do random randomness. WHAT IS GOING ON?! And did anyone else find it weird that in the first competition only one team performed? The ideas for musical numbers are getting old.

4. The deaf kids singing Imagine made me want to curl up and die. Enough said.

5. The best song in the episode was Quinn singing Papa Don't Preach (suddenly a lullaby?), which was beautiful and (possibly?) without studio manipulation. Then she gets totally cut off at the knees by the producers making the song about 70 seconds long. Really? We get four minutes of some heinous, auto-tuned version of Imagine while that wonderful rendition gets about as much time as Rachel's whore-over?

Am I crazy for being fascinated with the hot mess this show has become? I don't miss an episode, even though I hate it to my very core. It's like hairography itself: flashy, catchy, but ultimately a distraction.