The Real World DC Premiere Recap: Ebony and Bi-vory

There is little I loathe more than MTV. I find shows like "Date My Mom" and "Teen Mom" unwatchable, mostly because of the general feeling of putting on a show that comes along with them. Then I watched The Real World: DC. At first I thought it would be painful and annoying the whole way through. As I came to the close of the episode, it dawned on me that I no longer felt that way. Instead, my pretentious television nature had bloomed into an insatiable fodder for crap TV.

Not saying that the Real World is anything but that: crap. It puts 8 (not very interesting) people together and watches the sparks fly. I feel like making this like an awards show. So I will:

Best Moment of the Episode: It was actually in the "this season on..." montage that the producers put together. The girl with the red hair screamed "I just want to go back to who I was!!!" with tears in her eyes. It warmed my heart.

Worst Moment of the Episode: When the black dude (Ty) got all bent out of shape about his ties being "just so." Unlike the heinous religious fight earlier, it was not entertaining or mildly amusing.

Most inexplicable falling out: Ashley and Ty. They didn't even fight, but she got all hot and bothered that he was an atheist. "This *points to herself, then him* isn't working." I want real drama! Not trumped up, fakey bs.

Most "wtf?" filled scene: When Mike mentioned he was bisexual and everyone went crazy. Forgive me, but I'm pretty sure Ashley JUST mentioned that she dated a girl not 10 minutes ago and everyone was like "whatever." Why is it such a blatant double standard for guys?

Worst "look" of the show: Andrew half-naked in bed. Ick. Plus, we all knew that he WANTED her to find his little bear or whatever.

Hottest preview: the kiss between Mike and the indiscriminate girl, then the kiss between Mike and the indiscriminate guy. Both got me a little steamy.

Best "message" of the episode: The LGBT community can be involved in Christianity too. I'm not sure we want our poster child to be a 20 year old who "has done it with 9 girls and 5 guys," but still, it was nice.

Best "idiot!" moment: When Andrew told Emily that he was a cage fighter... and she believed him.

"Least screen time" award: The rocker dude. He was on while the whole "rockers MUST be attracted to other rockers" debacle was happening, but that's the only thing I can remember him doing.

Biggest "what were they thinking?" moment: Having Andrew wear that Panda hat. Um, no thank you. You just dropped from a 6 on the cuteness scale to a 2.

So, were you stupid enough to watch this prime piece of trash TV? If not, get the eff on the computer and find it. That's an order.