A-medical Idol

American Idol Season Premiere Recap:

Today I dealt with being late to class, standing in the freezing cold for fifteen minutes, and eating nothing but a yogurt parfait all day. The one thought running through my head: "Finally, after all this crap, I get to watch American Freaking Idol."

I am not exaggerating when I say this is my favorite show of all time. Since season 3, I have never missed an episode. I find it enthralling, entertaining, enjoyable, heart-rending (Carly! Allison! Megan!), and ultimately the best way to spend 1-2 hours. I watch with my mother, who basically mimics the judge's opinions, so it also takes great resolve to have all these emotions swirling inside me.

The Judges

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I knew we were in for a hot mess of a critic as soon as Victoria Beckham walked through the door in all her Posh glory. First, she looked like Barbie: The Grandma Version in day one. Seriously, I almost thought if you lifted up her dress, you'd find painted-on underwear. Plus, for a "fashion icon," her simple red dress was rather boring and drab. It wasn't the worst look of the episode, but, for a former Spice Girl, it was very disappointing.

Simon was in prime form (thank the heavens). It wasn't just the same "boring, horrible, annoying" schtick. For the first audition (Janet, the AI video game lady) he asked "Does this window open?" while they were on what had to be a 20+ floor. In another, when a contestant said they were going to Hollywood, he replied "And I can fly to the moon. Well, actually, I can." It was a brilliant line and a brilliant night for Simon.

Kara had some hiccups. Let's list them in order from least to most appalling:

- "I bet your mom makes gooood sauce."

- *dramatic voice* "You, who(m) I do not like, AT ALL."

- "You need a spanking!"

As for Randy's staying on and Paula's absence, this is all I will say: I never cared for the dawg, and I will get over Paula's departure. It is not a fatal blow to the show.

The Good

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While there were no Adam Lambert or even David Cook type singers in the mix in the two hours, there was a good dose of possible talent. Maddy, the girl with the four autistic brothers, picked the most predictable song, but sang it well enough. I don't see her making it to the finals, but a semi-final trip may be in her future.

Also in the "good voice, crap song choice" category were Luke Shaffer, who sang "Fall for You" by Secondhand Serenade (aka, the most pretentious band/person in the world) and Ashley Rodriguez who decided on "If I Ain't got You" by Alicia Keys. Luke was good (and very cute) but I couldn't get past the cheesy lyrics. If I were at that judging table (fingers crossed!) I would have made him sing another song. Ashley was even better, but again, the song choice threw me for a loop. This is a little number that every ethnic girl has sung on this show, so why show no originality as an artist by doing the exact same thing?

Not having this problem at all, the three girl montage of Jennifer Hirsh, Claire Fuller, and Jess Wolfe ripped through their songs. Jess stood out from the rest of the pack by doing a lovely version of "People Get Ready" by The Impressions. As of right now, she is my favorite to win the entire show. In that 10 second clip, she made me love her.

Now we come to the medical drama portion of the show. I get it, backstories get ratings. But really? In a half hour we had to hear the three sob stories of "boy with cancer," "girl with Alzheimeric grandmother," and "boy who shattered his two wrists by falling out of a tree." I'm not saying any of these should be handled with anything but respect, but still, I am so over the "story beats vocals" type of rock-paper-scissors game that this show has been playing.

The Bad

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Even though I liked the look (wink) of Joshua Blaylock, and I liked his personality, I do not want to hear "God Bless the Broken Road" one more time on Idol. I don't even like the song in the first place, so why do I need to hear a watered-down, smiley version?

Derek Hilton (long-lost brother to Paris?) was like taking Chris Brown and putting him through the washer while he sings. Still, I saw a voice there. Which was also the case with Lisa Olivero, who ripped out the soul of "Treating Me Kind" and ate it whole. In a bad way. Again, I really do think there is a voice there. It kills me when contestants have the stuff, but refuse to hit the notes. I just want to shake them while screaming "What is wrong with you?!"

Then we have AI game girl, guy who pissed off Kara, dude who looked like Janet Jackson (best critique of the night!), and Bosa, the kid that got through even though he was dry as toast (Hell Week will not be kind to you, bud). I don't really care about any of these, so let's leave it there, eh?

Conclusion

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It was a fine episode. There were a lot more bad auditions than I would have liked, but the two hours set up the season nicely. As usual (except for Jess), I did not see anyone that I am immediately attached to. That will come during the semi-finals. And who knows? Maybe a new Allison Iraheta is waiting to pounce on the music world. We shall see.

Golden Globe Nominations: Lazy Eyes

Example of things called "comedy":

Today the Golden Globe noms were posted on their website, and it gave me the inspiration to voice some concerns, some wondrously adoring praises, and some "throw my laptop out my window" moments. Do not be alarmed. Only my busboy, Juan, was hurt in the making of this article.

Concerns:

- Why is there no nomination for Dan Byrd (who plays Jule's son on Cougar Town)? In just three words he can leave me crying-on-the-floor laughing. No offense to Neil Patrick Harris (who secured one of the coveted spots), but it belongs to Mr. Byrd.

- I know I've said this before, but what is the fascination behind The Office? It secured itself yet another "Best Comedy" spot over shows like, for instance, Cougar Town or Community or even Ugly Betty. This is wrong when the show is getting as stale as it is. Pack it up, Carell!

- While I don't doubt her talent, I'm not sure than Lea Michele deserves a slot for Best Actress. For one thing, she didn't get enough screen time to be truly considered a "lead." Also, she had bunk material for about half of the season and her character at times was thoroughly unlikable.

- John Hamm is not great. He's fine, he's good. He's not great.

Happy, jittery victories:

- Anything 30 Rock. It's still my favorite show ever. Congrats to Tina, Alec, and the show itself for getting nominated.

- Courtney Cox! YES! I knew that there had to be someone who loved her as much as I did as Jules. Cougar 4eva!

- Even though I haven't seen Nurse Jackie yet, I love me some Edie Falco, so I'm happy she got noticed (how could you not? the woman is a goddess).

- January Jones makes Mad Men what it is. She may not be SNL material (that episode was brutal), but she is perfect for the Grace Kelly-esque role she was cast in.

- I have to admit, House has grown on me. It's schtick that Laurie is doing, but it's good schtick. I am totally fine with him and the show getting their traditional nominations.

- Modern Family got a nod for best comedy! Hooray for non-sexual material! Family values! TV-PG! YAY!

Things that make me want to die inside:

- Matthew Morrison getting a spot on the "Best Actor in a Comedy Series" category. His acting of late has been stage performing at best. The guy needs to stick to Broadway, stat.

- Glee. Glee, Glee, Glee. No Cougar Town, no Desperate Housewives, no Betty. Just Glee. Blech.

- While Modern Family did get noticed, the same cannot be said for any of its cast members. Which is a crying shame.

I think the main problem this year was that everyone just nominated who they thought would win. There were no real surprises, no dark horses coming out of nowhere. Even if (God forbid) 30 Rock got on less nom, it would be nice to see a great yet un-hyped actor get the slot. It just seemed lazy and predictable this time around.

So what were your biggest triumphs/disappointments? Did Glee really deserve all four noms it got?

Winning the War

John Mayer "Battle Studies" (7.5/10)

The best and worst thing about John Mayer is that he never stays in the same place for long. He rapidly climbed the maturity tree of music, producing a jazz-rock record (Continuum) a scant five years after his folk-pop debut (Room for Squares.) Although I might be the only person who feels this way, I liked the old Mayer better than his pompous "Waiting on the World to Change" new persona. The silly kid who once talked about bodies being wonderlands and his stupid mouth was gone, replaced by a man who wanted to be the singer/songwriter equivalent to Herbie Hancock.

So I might be the only person who was ecstatic to hear him return to his roots on his fourth album "Battle Studies." The CD begins with one of the best songs of his career "Hearbreak Warfare." It's somewhat emotionless, somewhat tuneless, but the lyrics and production come across in such a profound way that emotion is rendered irrelevant. This is more than the standard "Love is a Battlefield" type of song (and album). It really puts you in the midst of combat to provoke hard-hitting images.

After the knock-out first track, the album kind of takes a break from having quality material to deliver the throughly filler-like song "All We Ever Do is Say Goodbye" and the waste of a "duet" with Taylor Swift "Half of My Heart" (in which she sings one line of lyric). Both of these stink of missed opportunity, weakening "Battle Studies" when it should have gone guns a-blazin'.

Thankfully, that's about as bad as it gets on this record. Mayer follows up those two disappointments with my favorite song of his ever, "Who Says." Yes, it may be about having casual sex and smoking weed, but who cares? It's a perfect forum for John's quirky humor, and it works on almost every level.

From there, Mayer blends his jazz sound with his earlier work seamlessly, creating cool little tunes that reverberate in the mind. It should be of special mention that he incorporates the war/battle metaphor into every other one of the tracks, making it seem more conceptual than it actually is. Standouts include "Assassin" (which is just about as epic as one of his songs gets) and the finale "Friends, Lovers, or Nothing," which really feels like it ties the CD as a whole into a nice, if slightly frayed, bow. This album comes recommended to anyone who liked any of Mayer's first three offerings, and to anyone who just likes to be told love is hard.