Songs That Glee Should Cover

It's no secret that I don't find Glee particularly appealing as of late. However, in the spirit of my through-thick-and-oh-so-very-thin viewership, I have some suggestions to make about the song selections of the producers. Of course, they'll never see this (but at least two... one person might!), but it'll make me feel better, like if I tried to resuscitate a women two minutes after she died.

#1: Cobra Starship- "

Good Girls Go Bad (feat. Leighton Meester)" This one is pretty much a no brainer. Have some girl (maybe Quinn) and some guy (Puck, possibly?) talk about how they find each other irresistible. Let's face it, it's not that big of a stretch.

Good Girls Go Bad - Cobra Starship (Official HQ Music Video)

#2: Ingrid Michaelson- "The Way That I Am" Again, a no brainer. Rachel discusses how she'll love Finn to the bitter end. Just because it's obvious doesn't mean it wouldn't be awesome.

INGRID MICHAELSON - "The Way I Am" - (official music video)

#3: Garrett Gue- "Sugar" While Gue's song may not be popular, it holds that Gavin Degraw/Jason Mraz feel to it that would benefit Will should he ever get back together with Emma. I can't imagine a song more fitting to describe one of the sweetest characters on television.

Garrett Gue - Sugar

#4: Angel Taylor- "Like You Do" Word is that Mercedes is supposed to get her own bf this fall, so what opus could better express her feelings than Taylor's sunny-as-summer track? For a pretty straight-forward pop song, it has a lot of soul to it, which Amber Riley could pull off with room to spare.

Angel Taylor - Like You Do (Official Version)

#5: KT Tunstall: "Suddenly I See" Imagine new Glee hottie Sam singing this hit from the Scottish songstress when he realizes that glee club really is the place for him! He has the breezy voice that would compliment Tunstall's genius song very well.

KT Tunstall - Suddenly I see (lyrics)

#6: Avril Lavigne- "Girlfriend" Kurt's ode to wishing Rachel and Finn would break up. Need I say more?

Avril Lavigne - Girlfriend

#7: The Ting Tings- "That's Not My Name" Brittany and Santana could rock this song, pointing out the lack of development in their characters. It would tear the house down.

The Ting Tings - That's Not My Name (Alternate)

Glee Premiere Recap: Beistly

Glee: "Audition" Recap

*SPOILER ALERT* IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN EPISODE 2.1 AND/OR CANNOT BE PERSUADED NOT TO WATCH IT, STOP READING NOW.

Okay, so Glee was back tonight, yes? And everyone was excited, right? And OF COURSE it would be back in top form, correct?

No.

This was, in my humble opinion, Glee's worst episode to date. Not only was it horrendously unfunny, it was downright mean! Let's rag on the new football coach because we think she might be a lesbian! Let's have a bitch-off between Santana and Quinn in the hall! Let's milk the mentally-handicapped girl for all the comic (fool's) gold she's worth!

Let's get into the specifics of the episode, shall we? In the opening minutes, we learn that Finn and Rachel made it through the summer as a couple, despite having NO on-screen chemistry whatsoever. I'm inclined to believe this is his fault, seeing as how Ms. Lea Michele had a lot of heat with Jonathan Groff (a sorely missed Jesse) and Mark Sailing (the might-as-well-be-an-extra Puck). Even if you buy into the whole "lead actors and actresses should automatically be the it-couple" philosophy, it's hard to root for this passionless pairing.

Anyway, this is a big episode for Rachel, as she turns from quirky to insufferable. After a (quite good) musical version of "Empire State of Mind," courtesy of the whole cast, she convinces a girl named Sunshine (played by bona fide recording artist Charice) to try out for the glee club. Little does she know that the sun is shining extra bright on the little Asian girl's big voice, making her a possible rival.

Another tidbit we pick up from the opening segment is Artie's dubious breakup with Tina. Rather than see conflict or consequence, in true Glee style, we see a quick flashback that makes Tina look like a jerk. This plot line (if you can call it that) unfortunately morphs into a full episode arc, but more on that later.

The final big story of the hour has to do with a new football coach who makes quite a stir by slashing the glee club's budget by ten percent (to which Sue says "You'll be cutting kids left and right." Why? Are the children being paid?), which makes the two existing extra-ciric teachers quite angry for some reason. Apparently Will really thinks he deserves more money, so he teams up with Sue to oust this new woman, who has the misfortune of having the last name "Beiste." She has a voice like a man, so she must be gay. Right? We all wait with baited breath.

In the mean time, a few good things are actually happening, like our meeting of (SPOILER ALERT) Kurt's possible new boyfriend. The actor's name is Chord Overstreet (seriously) and the character's name is Sam (and what a great name it is!) He sang the hell out of "Billionaire," with a light, breezy tone that is reminiscent of Jason Castro.

But wait! Just when you think the show might gain it's legs, it takes a turn for the morbidly stupid. Finn, being the "nice but dumb" guy, proved both of those adjectives true when he tried to get Artie on the football team (so he could *ahem* "get abs.") Then, the kid acts flabbergasted when Beiste goes on a rampage.

As the episode presses on, the story lines turn from their usual ridiculousness into something far more sinister. Rachel, to kill Sunshine's chances (and maybe Sunshine herself), sends the younger girl to a former crack house (right, because Rachel knows where one of those is). Sue convinces Brittany to lie and say that Coach Beiste sexually molested her (good comedy right there). It all had a rather dull "thud" to it, where the actors were trying to mine every emotion in the book, yet failing because of obtuse writing difficulty.

Despite Rachel's mortal attempts on Sunshine's life, the girl actually gets to sing for realsies (she and Rachel had previously had an auto-tuned sing-off to Gaga's "Telephone.") Of course, being a minority with a large voice, she picks a diva song, in this case "Listen," from the SHOW Dreamgirls. It's fine, yet cookie-cutter, drawing a limp shrug from its audience (at least in my living room.)

The episode ends rather predictably, with Sunshine joining Vocal Adrenaline (shout out to 30 Rock's Cheyenne Jackson as her coach!), Will apologizing for his assholeness, and Finn and Rachel on good terms. No mention of Artie and Tina (no surprise there). Oh yeah, and Lea gets to sing a gorgeous cover of "What I Did for Love," but it feels like "What Did I Just Have to Do on This Idiotic Show?" We don't know, Lea. We don't know.

Why I Dislike The Office

A lot of people have asked me over the last year what my beef is with a popular NBC comedy called "The Office." Everyone on God's green earth knows what this show is, and half of them watch it, so I won't explain it's plots or characters. I will instead give numbered reasons as to why it lost it's magic (to me) after the third season.

#1: Jim and Pam turned out to be a pretty chemistry-free couple. All throughout the fourth season we were supposed to see their relationship bloom, but it kind of just fizzled. I was a huge PB & J supporter way back when, but, like The X-Files and countless other shows before them, the payoff wasn't as grand as was hoped. For instance, while the "Run for Rabies" episode was rather clever, it proved Jim and Pam to be a ho-hum couple with no real connection. This happened again in the episode involving their overnight visit to Dwight's farm. It became a little more believable after the engagement, but that fourth season stench still hangs over their pretty little heads.

#2: Dwight went from quirky to insufferable in a flash. Think about it: He's not much fun unless he has people around to react to his insanity. Yet how do most of the characters act towards him? Cruelly, to say the least. It's not as if Dwight has the Andy-complex, which is to say that he's not a self-aware asshole. He doesn't realize, half the time, that he's being douchey, and he has a genuine personality defect. This type of person can only be funny for so long.

#3: One dimensional characters become extremely boring. Pretty much all of the supporting cast is hilarious in those first few seasons. But, soon after, they turned into predictable stereotypes that bring the show to new lows. Oh, okay, Angela's the religious ice queen. Oh, yeah, Kelly's the talkative air-head. Oh, RIGHT, Ryan is the dillhole who is actually the most annoying character on the show! All of this adds up to being tired and trite.

#4: Michael turns into a monster. Late in the fourth season, our "hero" goes out on a blind date with Pam's landlord. It was a scene that was disgusting, fowl, and incredibly unfunny. After that, I couldn't even root for this man anymore. When he found Holly, the joy I was supposed to feel sizzled and was replaced by seething hatred. That is not a good way to build a character.

In conclusion, I just feel like the writers of this hit show think on an episode-by-episode basis. They never consider the over-arching story, they introduce funny-at-first, annoying-after-a-while characters who never seem to go away, and they have no idea what a normal human being is like. This 'snapshot' of American office life is becoming more and more faded, and should really end so that 'Parks and Recreation' can come back sooner.